Black Coffee

Blowing steam

off her cup

she watches silently

as all her hopes

and dreams

and future plans

shatter

in a moments breadth.

A deep sigh escapes as,

once again,

life disappoints.

She realizes things are not always

as she had hoped.

“Is there any whiskey for my coffee?”

That cute waiter.

Caught kissing

the busboy.

A little private Flash 55 for my friends. You can see more by visiting GALEN.

Just don't tell him who sent you...

Eyes melt, skin explodes... everybody dead!*

My age is beginning to get to me.

Not because I feel anywhere near the age I actually am,

but because, when people ask me how old I'm going to be on my birthday

and I tell them

they always, always, ALWAYS ask,

"what was it like....in the 80s?"

Well, people, I'm here to tell you... it was UGLY.

There were those shoulder pads.

Everyone smoked Players cigarettes

and wore leather jackets.

"Frankie Say: RELAX"

Neon yellow puffy paint.

Baggy jeans that were too short AND tight at the ankle.

AIDS.

"I'm just a Gigolo"

and that movie about the whore that every man fell in love with.

We won't even talk about ass pants

(for my son's sake)

(OK, now I have to explain - blue jeans so worn-out that the ass had rips -

and I WORE BOXER SHORTS OR MEN'S LONGJOHNS UNDERNEATH - I SWEAR)

Short, spiky hair.

Advertising.

Party, party & more party time.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead"

My high school yearbook shows way too much BIG hair,

too many girls with too much eye makeup

and a severe shortage of good taste.

Me? I wore levis 501s and my grandfather's old suit jackets.

Converse high tops.

Shopped resale.

Bowling shirts, wife beaters, doc martins.

Carried a messenger bag. Dated a messenger.

Ate butterscotch candies

Bought swatch watches and wore the box.

Everyone thought I was weird.

I did have feathered hair, but you can forgive me that.

Right?

(Oh, no, I wonder if they saw the lime green dress)

(I wore that to Frankie Goes to Hollywood open for Power Station)

(Oh, Damn)

Please?

(*Name that 80s movie - be the first to tell me who said it and what movie it came from and I'll send you a monkey. I love monkeys...)

a New Year to stomp

It's almost that time again. The evening full of sparkling cider with the kids, good-bad movies (you know, a bad movie that doesn't take itself seriously so it's... GOOD) and board games.

The dog will sleep at my feet, after a long walk. My son will be elsewhere but I'll get a midnight text. There will likely be a long bath.

A part of all of this is usually the list. You know, "resolutions". I laugh at your resolutions and substitute my own. Oh wait, that's supposed to be reality, not resolutions. But I think it works.

Here's my list. Laughter is allowed and expected.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Be happy
Be grateful
Be centered
Be peaceful
Be baking lots of cookies
Be condescending of people who take life too seriously
Be optimistic
Be supportive
Be grace
Be silent
Be outrageous
Be trouble
Be docile
Be flamboyant
Be angry (but not often)
Be giggly
Be content

I choose 17 things, every year, that I want to remember to focus my energy upon. Last December, the list included 17 things about finding a job. I wanted a job that made me happy, helped me feel whole again, had lots of fun people to work with. That worked. I got it all AND a Madge and a Tom. Joy.

This year, it's me I want to improve. Wait. I don't mean it like that. It's me I want to GROUND. I want to rediscover joy in little things, be happy with what I have, work less and complete more.

Have you made your list?

How come snow is so... bright?

The traffic tonight was foul, but the trip home became fun the moment I stepped out of my car and into the magical, snowy world.

The Christmas lights are beautiful, glowing under the powdery whiteness. All is well (except that I can't sleep because it's bright as day outside!)

I hope you, wherever you are, enjoy being tucked in bed and warm. As for me? Another round of computer games seems to be in order.

In the tank

Math time.

6 weeks

840 hours worked

The occasional stop to sleep

Homeschooling

Dog walking

2 major illnesses

Rescue of 2 family members from impending doom

A move across the city

A $350 water bill

Way too much wine sipped alone

THEN

Sudden "all-stop"

I find myself wandering the house aimlessly

Uninspired to do anything.

Sleep, football and baking cookies are the most taxing things I can fathom.

An hour with my son, uninterrupted, is bliss.

Giggling with my daughter over bad tv.

I missed sending Christmas cards, gifts, emails, psychic messages to so many people

And yet, here I am, sitting here wondering where THEY went

those who complain loudly about my absence

as this 6 weeks of hell progressed.

*wake, bathe, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat*

I was here all along, after all

Just not here the way they expected, I guess.

So, for the moment, I'm in my decompression chamber, alone,

trying to make sure the blood doesn't boil.

Tomorrow? Maybe I'll actually go to work for an hour.

Then a 6 hour lunch seems in order.

Followed by some serious goofing off.

Nitrogen Narcosis AND the bends avoided.

This time at least.

When I was little...

...my mom used to say I was fond of being random. She's look at my father, roll her eyes and say, simply, "azure." As in the color blue. It would tell him that I was driving her nuts again.

So often, as I am now a little older than 9, I listen for azure. Things that inspire me.

I'm listening.