a New Year to stomp

It's almost that time again. The evening full of sparkling cider with the kids, good-bad movies (you know, a bad movie that doesn't take itself seriously so it's... GOOD) and board games.

The dog will sleep at my feet, after a long walk. My son will be elsewhere but I'll get a midnight text. There will likely be a long bath.

A part of all of this is usually the list. You know, "resolutions". I laugh at your resolutions and substitute my own. Oh wait, that's supposed to be reality, not resolutions. But I think it works.

Here's my list. Laughter is allowed and expected.
NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS
Be happy
Be grateful
Be centered
Be peaceful
Be baking lots of cookies
Be condescending of people who take life too seriously
Be optimistic
Be supportive
Be grace
Be silent
Be outrageous
Be trouble
Be docile
Be flamboyant
Be angry (but not often)
Be giggly
Be content

I choose 17 things, every year, that I want to remember to focus my energy upon. Last December, the list included 17 things about finding a job. I wanted a job that made me happy, helped me feel whole again, had lots of fun people to work with. That worked. I got it all AND a Madge and a Tom. Joy.

This year, it's me I want to improve. Wait. I don't mean it like that. It's me I want to GROUND. I want to rediscover joy in little things, be happy with what I have, work less and complete more.

Have you made your list?

How come snow is so... bright?

The traffic tonight was foul, but the trip home became fun the moment I stepped out of my car and into the magical, snowy world.

The Christmas lights are beautiful, glowing under the powdery whiteness. All is well (except that I can't sleep because it's bright as day outside!)

I hope you, wherever you are, enjoy being tucked in bed and warm. As for me? Another round of computer games seems to be in order.

In the tank

Math time.

6 weeks

840 hours worked

The occasional stop to sleep

Homeschooling

Dog walking

2 major illnesses

Rescue of 2 family members from impending doom

A move across the city

A $350 water bill

Way too much wine sipped alone

THEN

Sudden "all-stop"

I find myself wandering the house aimlessly

Uninspired to do anything.

Sleep, football and baking cookies are the most taxing things I can fathom.

An hour with my son, uninterrupted, is bliss.

Giggling with my daughter over bad tv.

I missed sending Christmas cards, gifts, emails, psychic messages to so many people

And yet, here I am, sitting here wondering where THEY went

those who complain loudly about my absence

as this 6 weeks of hell progressed.

*wake, bathe, eat, work, eat, sleep, repeat*

I was here all along, after all

Just not here the way they expected, I guess.

So, for the moment, I'm in my decompression chamber, alone,

trying to make sure the blood doesn't boil.

Tomorrow? Maybe I'll actually go to work for an hour.

Then a 6 hour lunch seems in order.

Followed by some serious goofing off.

Nitrogen Narcosis AND the bends avoided.

This time at least.

When I was little...

...my mom used to say I was fond of being random. She's look at my father, roll her eyes and say, simply, "azure." As in the color blue. It would tell him that I was driving her nuts again.

So often, as I am now a little older than 9, I listen for azure. Things that inspire me.

I'm listening.